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Usually I’m able to keep myself cheerful and optimistic. However, every so often (OK, once or twice per week), I just feel down. There’s really no other way to put it. Sometimes the stress and hopelessness of my current situation can be overwhelming.
Why? Because my future – namely, my short-term future – is so uncertain. Although I don’t know what my next move should be, I know I cannot continue living like I am now.
For one thing, the lack of social life is really getting to me. Where my close friends used to be a short 10 minute drive away, most of them are now about 30-100 miles away. I only see friends on an every few weeks basis, and this generally involves a good bit of traveling. I love getting together with people, but it really takes A LOT of effort, especially when I’m already so exhausted from the week.
My undecided future living situation is also frustrating. I need to move out of my parents’ house. But when and where is completely up in the air. The bulk of my non-essential belongings still reside in boxes in my younger brother’s old room. Every so often I venture in there to rummage around for something I may or may not find.
Living amid so much uncertainty is definitely getting old. And this is the reason I sometimes become depressed. It’s easy to do in this situation. This is certainly not the living situation in which I pictured myself at 22.
The general state of the economy is another stressor. Everything is on thin ice and businesses continue to fold every day. This leaves those of us starting out, if we have jobs, with much lower salaries than we would have tolerated a few years ago. [Demand is greater so salaries decrease because more qualified people are willing (i.e. desperate) to work for less.] And this lower base is sure to have an impact in the long run, making it more difficult for us to move into higher-paying jobs. Definitely pretty depressing.
But something I heard on a career podcast I’m trying out called 48 Days, couldn’t ring truer:
Thus it appears our sense of wellbeing is a choice – not something pushed down on us by our circumstances. Gratefulness is a direct way to unlock our own peace and joy.
Ever since I can remember, I’ve been working toward something – whether it was my next report card, winning a softball tournament, achieving a leadership position in high school extracurriculars, getting into college, graduating college or landing a job.
One thing I know about myself is that I’m very rarely content to just be, and I don’t think any driven person really is. I always feel I have to be working toward something bigger and greater, but why can’t I just relax and take life in stride? It’s always, “Once I achieve this I’ll be happy. Once I get to here I’ll be happy.”
I can’t figure out why I always feel like this even though I know I need to focus on being happy here and now, and the rest should fall into place.
Every weekday evening I have about 2.5 hours of free time, and usually I try to cram so many tasks into that time I can’t get everything accomplished. This leaves me constantly feeling stressed out and overwhelmed. I’m now making an effort to limit myself to the number of things I try to accomplish each night, whether it’s trying to plan what I want to do in the future, shoe shopping or just watching TV with a glass of wine.
Despite trying to relax, I’m still eager to make some serious changes in the new year. Although I can’t wait for all this to be underway, I need to remember to slow down and enjoy being able to relax at home and seeing my parents on a regular basis because once I do move out, I plan on it being for good this time.
I’ve always said I would not commute during rush hour traffic. Simply put, it’s stressful enough to make a person crazy, and it often does. This morning as I filed my nails while moving along the interstate at a snail’s pace, I almost seriously considered getting on 285 West (where there was much less traffic) and just driving straight to Texas. (Obviously, I didn’t follow through.)
In a given week, I spend approximately 10-15 hours driving. Most of that is between home (in the suburbs) and my job (on the outskirts of Atlanta). If I’m going to work in the city, I need to live in the city.
Eventually I also need more free time, which means shorter hours and/or living much closer to work. I need to feel fulfilled in my work, which means preferably doing something creative. I need a fun work environment, which means working with a fun, friendly group of people.
What I will be working toward now and into the new year is a lifestyle change. I don’t know exactly what I want at the moment but the way things are now isn’t working. I want to be able to see my boyfriend and other friends more frequently than only on weekends.
It won’t necessarily be easy to achieve the goals I’ve set for myself, but I know that if I want to make changes, I have to be the one to initiate action.
