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Usually I’m able to keep myself cheerful and optimistic. However, every so often (OK, once or twice per week), I just feel down. There’s really no other way to put it. Sometimes the stress and hopelessness of my current situation can be overwhelming.
Why? Because my future – namely, my short-term future – is so uncertain. Although I don’t know what my next move should be, I know I cannot continue living like I am now.
For one thing, the lack of social life is really getting to me. Where my close friends used to be a short 10 minute drive away, most of them are now about 30-100 miles away. I only see friends on an every few weeks basis, and this generally involves a good bit of traveling. I love getting together with people, but it really takes A LOT of effort, especially when I’m already so exhausted from the week.
My undecided future living situation is also frustrating. I need to move out of my parents’ house. But when and where is completely up in the air. The bulk of my non-essential belongings still reside in boxes in my younger brother’s old room. Every so often I venture in there to rummage around for something I may or may not find.
Living amid so much uncertainty is definitely getting old. And this is the reason I sometimes become depressed. It’s easy to do in this situation. This is certainly not the living situation in which I pictured myself at 22.
The general state of the economy is another stressor. Everything is on thin ice and businesses continue to fold every day. This leaves those of us starting out, if we have jobs, with much lower salaries than we would have tolerated a few years ago. [Demand is greater so salaries decrease because more qualified people are willing (i.e. desperate) to work for less.] And this lower base is sure to have an impact in the long run, making it more difficult for us to move into higher-paying jobs. Definitely pretty depressing.
But something I heard on a career podcast I’m trying out called 48 Days, couldn’t ring truer:
Thus it appears our sense of wellbeing is a choice – not something pushed down on us by our circumstances. Gratefulness is a direct way to unlock our own peace and joy.
It’s funny how sometimes, even though you haven’t seen an old friend in years, you can get together and everything just falls back into place.
Last night I met up with two friends from high school for dinner and drinks. We reminisced on old times and caught up on what everyone’s been doing over the last few years. One friend, we’ll call him J, I’ve seen at least a couple times over the years. But the other, S, I hadn’t seen in three years. It’s interesting how easily conversation flowed after not seeing each other for so long. (Of course, we already had a vague idea of what the others had been up to thanks to Stalkerbook.)
J is working to finish up his bachelor’s degree while living with his parents. He basically has a well-paying job lined up when he graduates if he wants it. S is out of school, about to move in with her boyfriend, and works several days per week with a middle school girls’ choir, which she says she absolutely loves. She also plays piano for several school groups and has been working at Belk (though she recently quit).
At one point S asked if I’d experienced any depression after finishing college. Um, YES! Granted, I’m doing better now than I was, and I imagine it has to get better. She said she had a rough time dealing with the change too, so that makes me not feel so crazy.
At one point we talked about knowing what you want to do, and S said she doesn’t think anyone ever knows what they want to do. And especially being in our early 20s, we really aren’t supposed to have it figured out. Good points.
All in all it was great to get together with some old friends and hear about their lives now. I’ve lost touch with many of my high school friends (other than the aforementioned Stalkerbook), so it’s nice to get together with some that I’m actually interested in keeping in touch with.
